


it’s like i stole your color

by walk_away



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Colorblind GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Synesthesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:35:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27102058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walk_away/pseuds/walk_away
Summary: in which george is colourblind but dream has synesthesia.oh yeah and they come to terms with their sexuality and all that.but mostly this story depends on colour and seeing color
Relationships: Antfrost/VelvetIsCake (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 23
Kudos: 180





	1. bright orange scratches

**Author's Note:**

> i hope this helps anybody with synesthesia. i have it, and if i would have had a story earlier that deals with it, maybe i would’ve turned out differently. (i’m a good person dw)  
> but then again i wouldn’t be writing this...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The third time George screamed, Dream’s colors stayed too bright for too long. It was overwhelming.
> 
> “George, stop screaming, please. Orange is a bright color,” he said. George didn’t answer for a few moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are appreciated! i love hearing from you guys! enjoy the story!

“Dream! Don’t kill me!” George yelled. It wasn’t bad. A few slashes of reddish orange filled the air.

George had always screamed loudly. Dream had gotten used to it. But the louder a sound was, the brighter and more persistent the colors were.

“AAAHHHHHH” George screamed again. Bright orange lights scratched through the air. Very bright lights. It hurt Dream’s head a little, but he ignored it.

The third time George screamed, Dream’s colors stayed too bright for too long. It was overwhelming.

“George, stop screaming, please. Orange is a bright color,” he said. George didn’t answer for a few moments.

“Dream, I’m colourblind, remember?” George said. “But what do you mean by orange is a bright color?”

“You know, like how the bright orange scratches go through the air when somebody has a high pitched scream?” Dream answered.

“Dream, I don’t think that that’s a normal thing,” George says slowly.

“Forget it. I’m sorry. Just don’t tell anyone. At least, not until I figure this out. Pretend this never happened,” Dream said quickly. George really just wanted to ask Dream to make sure his friend knew that whatever was going on, it was probably completely fine. But he knew Dream wasn’t going to tell him. He kept silent. 

The rest of the video went by normally. Dream cut out the part about the orange scratches. George didn’t say anything else about it. They went on with their day. 

Later that night, Dream went online searching for answers.

_what is it called when you hear colors_

_is hearing colors normal_

_i smelled light brown, what does it mean_

Dream couldn’t find answers, so he went to bed, and dreamed colorless dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i do actually have synesthesia. it’s baisically a confusion if the senses, for example hearing something and your brain involuntarily connecting it to a color. i hope this served the synesthetes of this world well.


	2. i guess i’m not as crazy as teal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream didn’t say anything; he was too nervous and terrified he would say something like that again. “Anyway, I looked into it, and apparently there’s actually a mental-“ George stopped, not sure what to say without it sounding bad. “An extra sense, if you will. It’s called synesthesia, and based on what you described to me, I think you have a type of synesthesia called Graphemes Color Synesthesia.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot to put this in the first chapter so-  
> IF ANY OF THE PEOPLE IN THIS STORY DECIDE THEY DONT WANT FANFICS WRITTEN ABOUT THEM I WILL TAKE THIS DOWN!  
> thank you. don’t come at me for forgetting this

George knew Dream wasn’t lying, so he decided to do a little research himself. He found out that there’s something called synesthesia that combines two or more senses involuntarily. For a minute he stopped and wondered what it would be like to see any color, let alone extra color.

Pushing the thought away, he continued his research. The most common type of synesthesia was called Grapheme Color Synesthesia. It was a type of synesthesia where the brain confused numbers, sounds, letters, and words with colors. 

It sounded like what Dream had described earlier. It was almost midnight for George, meaning it was almost 7pm for Dream. It was worth a try.

_George: if you’re not busy, call me on discord_

He wasn’t expecting a reply, but one came through anyway.

_Dream: give me five minutes_

* * *

Dream was a little confused. It was almost midnight for George. Since he had been talking to Sapnap, he told Sapnap what had happened.   
“Ask George if I can join the call, too,” Sapnap said.

“I think he wanted to say something privately considering he seemed pretty freaked out. I’ll tell you how it goes though,” Dream replied. 

Five minutes later, Dream was sitting in a call waiting for George to join. 

_What if he doesn’t want to say something about earlier? What if he does, and he thinks I’m absolutely ins-_

Dream’s thoughts were interrupted by George joining the call. 

“Hey Dream!” George said after joining the call. Dream didn’t say anything; he was too nervous and terrified he would say something like _that_ again. “Anyway, I looked into it, and apparently there’s actually a mental-“ George stopped, not sure what to say without it sounding bad. “An extra sense, if you will. It’s called synesthesia, and based on what you described to me, I think you have a type of synesthesia called Grapheme Color Synesthesia.”

Dream was quiet for a moment before responding. “So I’m not crazy?” he asked. Thank goodness, teal was not a good color to be. Teal, the color of being insane or losing your mind.

“No Dream, you’re not crazy.” George replied. “Actually, you might be a little crazy, but that’s not why.”

“Hey! If anyone’s crazy, it’s the one who drives in the passenger seat,” Dream retorted.

With the tension resolved, their bickering and playful teasing continued, but they were both smiling the whole time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any comments or kudos are appreciated! the support on the last chapter was absolutely insane! thank you all so much *insert uwu emoji here*
> 
> also, i’m so sorry from literally disappearing off the planet, but i’m gonna double update today. (maybe more because this chapter is so short)  
> ily guys


	3. the server has erupted into orange chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yeah, uh, I’m just, just nervous is all. Anyway, apparently George looked into what I was saying and I guess there’s this thing called synesthesia? Like, I’m pretty sure there’s more to it, but I guess it’s where your brain puts two senses together at the same time?” Dream said slowly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyyeeeee here comes sapnap!  
> hope you all enjoy this, especially since i disappeared from the planet for two months (sorry)  
> anyway, kudos and comments are appreciated and they totally make my day! ily all

Dream let it process overnight. He wasn’t crazy. But the burning thought in the back of his mind was still there.

_What if it means I’m mentally unstable and a danger to those around me? Could this potentially hurt someone?_

Oh yeah, he was gonna call Sapnap about what happened. After joining the TeamSpeak, Sapnap brought up what Dream was too scared to. 

_What if he thinks I’m insane?_

“Dream, I can tell you’re doubting yourself right now,” Sapnap said when Dream didn’t reply.

“Yeah, uh, I’m just, just nervous is all. Anyway, apparently George looked into what I was saying and I guess there’s this thing called synesthesia? Like, I’m pretty sure there’s more to it, but I guess it’s where your brain puts two senses together at the same time?” Dream said slowly.

“Oh yeah, I know what that is! One of my teachers had it a few years ago, and she explained it to the class. Apparently there’s a few common things that synesthetes have in common quite a lot,” Sapnap said. He could hear Dream let out a relieved breath on the other end of the call. “So often, someone with synesthesia will be left-handed, struggle with math, and are artistic. Usually, synesthetes have a view of the calendar similar to a ferris wheel or a sphere, and it’s likely people have synesthesia due to hereditary genetics,” Sapnap explained.

“Yeah, thanks Sap, it means a lot to know someone understands. Also shouldn’t George be the one with synesthesia then? I mean, I’m not left-handed,” Dream said after a few moments. “I’m going to ask Drista later, because if I got it from my parents, she might have too,” Dream said after another few moments.

“I’ll always be there for you, and George will too. And Bad, Ant, Skeppy, and everyone on the SMP if you ne-“ Sapnap was cut off.

_User joined your channel_

“Hey Sapnap! Hi Dream! I actually was hoping you two would be able to hop on Munchy quickly, we kind of have a problem,” Bad explained. “Sorry, but we actually have a problem. Skeppy was being a muffin head again,” he said, before Dream or Sapnap could say anything about him joining without any notice.

“Okay, I’ll get on. Bye Sap,” Dream said, sounding exhausted, but also relieved.

_user left your channel_

“Seriously, Sapnap, thank you.”

_user left your channel_

_disconnected_

* * *

George had asked for Dream specifically to help solve the problem. Skeppy had joined the server and convinced one of the staff to give him perms. (George was pretty sure that staff member would be having a talk with Bad later; they wouldn’t be in trouble because they probably didn’t know, but this was annoying) Anyway, Skeppy thought that TNT and slimeblocks were a good idea and worldedited the entire server into TNT, slimeblocks, honey blocks, and lava. The anti-cheat had auto banned almost seventy people, and the server had crashed, but due to a bug that must have appeared after the reset a couple weeks ago, players were unable to join back, and the forums were flooded with questions and complaints.

George had asked for Dream specifically. No one asked any questions, but George wanted to work with him because after all the projects they coded together for videos, and for the server, they seemed to work well together.

_What if we work well together for another reason though?_

_Shut up brain, I’m working._

The owner of MunchyMC was contemplating what to do. Bad knew Skeppy liked to troll. He probably should have told all the new staff about it, but here they were, with a broken server trying to figure out who gave Skeppy perms, and tell them it can’t happen again. (hopefully, after this incident it was obvious anyway)

Skeppy was still on TeamSpeak. That was a good place to start.

“Listen Skeppy, I know you didn’t mean to cause any harm, and you’re recording for a video, but this actually caused a problem,” Bad started. He could tell Skeppy wasn’t listening, but he kept talking anyway. “The anti-cheat glitches sometimes with blocks like slimeblocks and honey blocks, and auto banned a bunch of people, and when the lava ended up next to the TNT it blew up and crashed the server.”

“Yeah, Bad, that was the point. I made a backup, so it’s fine,” Skeppy responded, but couldn’t keep the laugh out of his voice.

“I had to interrupt two people’s streams because after a bug we didn’t notice, players can’t get on now! And we have to unban a ton of people, and my forum staff are working so hard because the forums are exploding with questions, comments, and complaints, and we might even not be able to get the server running again today!” Bad explained, being as patient as he could, but still upset.

“Wait really? Bad, I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do to help? I- I didn’t mean to crash your server and create problems,” Skeppy said.

“I know. I’m not mad. Could you give me the IGN of whoever gave you perms, and also once we get the server back on, maybe help unban people?” Bad asked. 

“Of course. I hope I didn’t cause any permanent damage,” Skeppy replied, but was oddly quiet. “I really am sorry.”

Meanwhile, the dev team was chaos. Callahan doesn’t talk, and usually Sam was pretty understanding with this, but it was really hard to fix an anti-cheat with slow communication, let alone quickly. But they held it together, because does it really matter? _Yes._

Dream and George were trying to figure out why the server wasn’t letting players back on. They both looked through the code once, then twice, then a third time, but still couldn’t figure out why it wasn’t working right. Nothing.

Sam felt like he was talking to himself. He wasn’t, and he knew that because Callahan used the TeamSpeak chat to communicate, but as much as Callahan was amazing, it was difficult.

George thought about asking Dream what he was talking to Sapnap about, because they usually didn’t talk alone. It had always been the three of them. Maybe this is why they can’t find the error.

Callahan had an idea. What if they changed the speed so players could go slower, and jump the same height as on a slime block without being autobanned? It would make the admins have to pay a little bit more attention, but it could be worth it. (a/n i know this is probably too simple of a solution, i’m sorry. again, i’ve never worked on a server, so i have no idea why the anti-cheat would be messed up in this situation) After a couple minutes of debating with Sam, they decided to try it. There were no shown Syntax Errors, so it must have worked.

Dream was still stuck. He and George hadn’t talked much during this, but they were both concentrating. Wait, hold up. Was that...?

George couldn’t see anything wrong with the code. They’d been at this for almost an hour. 

“Hey George I think I found it!” Dream said, very suddenly and very loudly. George jumped, his ears not expecting the outburst after the quiet.

_Dream’s actually kind of cute when he gets excited._

_Wait, WHAT?_

“What was wrong?” George asked.

“There was a function with a typo, so it was invalid, but I guess it didn’t show up as a Syntax Error,” Dream explained.

Once the developers were able to get the server running again, the admins and mods were able to start unbanning people. It took a while, but eventually they finished. Two hours seemed like quite a long time, and everyone was quite tired. 

Sapnap decided to stay on in case people thought the admins would log off after the incident.

_To think Skeppy owns a server. At least he has good staff, they’ll keep him in line._

Surprisingly, there weren’t as many hackers as he was expecting. He put on some music, and just did his job.

_Heart been broke so many times..._

Dream and George stayed on call for a while. It was getting late for George, but he talked anyway. The two of them talked for hours. They talked about anything and everything. Plug-ins they wanted to use for videos, the latest drama on the SMP, their cats, the server breakdown, life.

Dream was telling a story about his sister, which ended up being quite long, but George didn’t mind. After all, Dream had a nice voice.

_For storytelling._

_Sure, whatever you say._

_Brain, be quiet, it’s storytime._

George ignored his intrusive thoughts, but eventually fell asleep at his desk. Luckily, they moved to Discord after handling the server issue, so it was just him and Dream. 

Dream eventually heard slow quiet breathing on the other end. He could tell George had fallen asleep, so he knew he should disconnect. His mouse hovered over the leave call button, but he couldn’t bring himself to click it, so he just messed around in creative until he, too, fell asleep. 

Both boys woke up embarrassed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea if this is how servers work, i’m sorry if i got any of this wrong. i looked through the munchy website and i know a little bit about how it works after watching too much yt, but i don’t think it’s enough so i’m sorry because i know something went wrong here


	4. questioning the colors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dreamwastaken: hey eret, can i call you? it’s important, but if you’re busy it can wait-
> 
> theeret: yeah sure, one minute
> 
> —————————
> 
> GeorgeNotFound: hey can i join your call? i want to talk to you abt something, but i’d hate to interrupt anything between you and red.
> 
> Antfrost: Yeah, of course! We’re just doing server work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i listened to girl in red while writing this smh
> 
> also, listen to the advice dream and george are given in this chapter, because it really is true for anyone, not just the characters in this fan fic.

Dream was not a musician, but he did like music. He wasn’t like Sapnap, where he was able to just know what music the situation calls for, or able to just disappear into it, but it didn’t matter. 

He’s always wanted to support his friends, so he started listening to Wilbur’s music. He had an incredible voice, and even if his music was sad, it was one of those things where you stop, and are just like, holy fuck what was that?

_**I thought I couldn’t love anymore**_

Your Sister Was Right has always been a good song, but for some reason, it hit different today.

_**Every time that I miss you  
I feel the way you hurt  
And I don't deserve you  
You deserve the world**_

_I do miss George, I don’t know when we can meet up again._

Dream switched the song, panicked.

Recently, a band called Cavetown had been blowing up on Tik Tok, so they were his next choice.

_**Devil town is colder in the summertime  
I'll lose my mind at least another thousand times  
Hold my hand tight, we'll make it another night  
I still get a little scared of something new  
But I feel a little safer when I'm with you**_

_George has always been there when I needed him._

_Why am I thinking of him? What?_

Dream shut off the music. It was just because he accidentally fell asleep on call with George last night.

_I fell asleep on call with George last night. Oh hell no, dang it. What if he thinks I like him now?_

_Do I?_

_Of course not, that would be insane. I’m straight, aren’t I?_

_Aren’t I?_

He decided he’d ask Eret about questioning later. But first, he needed breakfast.

* * *

George had always been a Panic! At the Disco fan. He had never thought about Girls/Girls/Boys. It was a great song sure, but nothing more. He was straight, so it carried no heavier meaning to him.

But today, he was listening to P!ATD and it felt, deeper. 

**_Girls love girls and boys_**

George supported LGBTQ+, so this shouldn’t have stood out to him, but it did. 

**_And love is not a choice_**

_That means it’s okay if I like Dre-_

_What the hell?_

He decided this took too much brainpower before lunch. He’d talk to Antfrost later, and maybe RedVelvet if he was there.

* * *

Dream had eaten breakfast fairly quickly, but was nervous beyond a point words could explain to call Eret.

He decided that he would message Eret, and just go for it.

_dreamwastaken: hey eret, can i call you? it’s important, but if you’re busy it can wait-_

_theeret: yeah sure, one minute_

“So Eret, I figured you’re probably the easiest person to talk to about this,” Dream started. Eret waited for him to go on. “Well, recently, I’ve had some different thoughts about this...guy. You know, like the ones I’m supposed to have about girls?”

“Dream, you know fully well you don’t have to think of girls that way, and it’s okay to think of guys that way,” Eret responded, but not unkindly. He did, after all, fully understand what Dream was going through.

“But, I’m not gay! Like, I know I like girls so what am I supposed to do? What if I’m just confused?” Dream said, loudly at first, but very softly at the end.

“I still exist, you know,” Eret said after a few moments.

It took a few seconds for Dream to understand what Eret meant by that. “Oh yeah,” Dream said, and by his tone, you could tell he was embarrassed. “Eret, what if I’m bi?” Dream asked.

“Then you like guys and girls, it’s not a big deal,” Eret responded. “May I ask who you were talking about?”

“I think you could guess if you wanted to,” Dream responded. There was a long pause. Dream noticed the familiar light grey of Discord silence.

“Whatever you decide you identify as, it’s going to be okay Dream. And I’m always here to talk,” Eret says, finally.

“Thanks, it means a lot.”

Meanwhile, George was just finishing his lunch. He cleaned up his dishes and headed into the computer room. George sat there. He didn’t log on, didn’t message Ant, didn’t do anything. He sat there, on the verge of a panic attack, because who the hell was he anymore?

_I know there’s nothing wrong with being LGBTQ, but I have to admit, I hate thinking I could possibly be...queer. Or bi. Or anything, really._

_No, I won’t let myself think that way. I’m great whoever I love._

George knew he wouldn’t get anywhere by procrastinating. He forced himself to get online. Antfrost was in a call with Red. 

Quickly, he messaged Ant to ask if he could join the call. He didn’t want to interrupt the two if they were having a moment.

_GeorgeNotFound: hey can i join your call? i want to talk to you abt something, but i’d hate to interrupt anything between you and red._

_Antfrost: Yeah, of course! We’re just doing server work._

_microphone activated_

“Hey guys,” George said quietly. 

“Hi!” Antfrost greeted. “What did you need to talk to us about?”

“Well, it’s kind of serious. And also, I know you guys would understand and not judge me,” George started.

“Why would we judge you?” Red asked.

“A lot of people would judge me,” George replied. “Okay, so, this is kind of hard to say, but I think I like a guy.”

George could hear clapping on the other end. He smiled, relieved to finally have it off his shoulders, and have such a positive reaction.

“So it’s okay if you don’t know yet, but what do you think you identify as?” Ant asked.

“I don’t know. I know I’m not gay, because I’ve felt this way about girls, but I’m obviously not straight, and bi doesn’t feel right to me,” George said. After another few seconds of contemplation, he added, “I mean, I know there’s other labels, but I don’t know enough about them to do any justice by using them.”

“You don’t have to know now. You don’t have to know ever. It doesn’t make you any less val-“ Red said, but was cut off by someone joining.

_user joined your channel_

“Hey guys. Ant, there’s a couple applications I want your opinion on. After all, they’d be on your team,” Bad said. 

“Bad, not to be rude but you were interrupting something important,” Ant said. “But I’ll check it out later.”

“Oops, sorry guys. I’ll leave now,” Bad said.

_user left your channel_

“I swear he never learns,” George said. He heard a small laugh from both of the other two boys in the call.

“Anyways, I was saying, no matter when you figure it out, even if you never figure it out, it doesn’t make you any less valid. You could figure it out today, you could figure it out next week, you could figure it out next year,” Red said.

“And don’t feel like society is forcing you to be anyone. You’re you, and no label can define that. It’s okay if you don’t want a label, or if you find a label but change it later on. You’re still George at the end of the day,” Ant added.

“What do I do about the guy?” George asked.

“Depends who it is,” Red said.

“Do we know him?” Ant asked at the same time.

“Yeah, about that...he actually is one of my best friends. I would ask him about this but, obviously, that’s not an option. And, I would have to come out to him, which I’m not ready for yet,” George said.

“Dream totally likes you,” Ant started. “But, that’s another thing. You don’t have to come out. You shouldn’t come out if it’s not safe, which shouldn’t be a problem for you now, but it’s a general rule.”

“How’d you know it was Dream?” George asked, confused.

“Curse of the gays. Ant has a good gaydar, and it’s kinda obvious you like Dream,” Red answered.

“Alright, thanks guys. You’ve been a big help,” George said. “Also, please don’t tell anyone.”

“We would never. I’ve had that drama, and let me tell you, I’d never wish it on anyone,” Ant said. Ant didn’t like talking about _that_ time of his life, but if it helped his friend, it was worth it.

“Okay enough chatting, you better go get your man,” Red said. George pretended not to hear it, but he was blushing.

_disconnected_

Both boys had a lot of thinking to do. Both boys also had a best friend that needed checking up on. Two best friends, actually.

* * *

TW: anorexia, and talk of weight. two characters also have a panic attack. one character has GAD, or generalized anxiety disorder, and also has selective mutism due to that.

Hours later, Sapnap was having trouble and needed his best friends.

_No, they’d think you’re disgusting._

Sapnap couldn’t breathe. It felt like walls were closing in on him. He looked down in an attempt to calm himself down. Bad move.

_See, this is what happens when you eat too much. Especially things like chips._

Sapnap had eaten dinner with his family. He’d recently moved out, but he missed his family. When his parents invited him over for dinner, he gladly said yes. But only because he’d forgotten about his...issues, per say. 

_You had the food, now you suffer. You know how this works._

Sapnap couldn’t take it. He’d been weighing himself for weeks. He didn’t know what else to do, so he ate minimal food. He ate one banana a day, and had one cup of coffee. He also allowed himself an unlimited supply water. After all, everyone says water helps you lose weight. Sapnap felt fat, and he felt gross, and he didn’t want anyone to see him this way.

_Worthless._

_The toxic people on twitter are right, you’re ugly and fat._

_No one could ever love you the way you are._

Breaking down into tears, he slumped against the inside of his front door. One of his cats walked over to him.

“I’m sorry you had to see this Mogwai,” he said. Eventually, he fell asleep there a few hours later, and didn’t wake up until the morning.

Across the Gulf of Mexico, Bad was also in need of his friends. (a/n: i heard that bad is also a florida man? idk, if he’s not just pretend he is for the sake of the story) His mom had called him, but due to an unfortunate encounter at the grocery store that had left Bad anxious and upset, he wasn’t in the mood for talking. See, what most people didn’t know was Bad had actually been diagnosed with GAD, or Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Selective Mutism. He didn’t mind talking on camera. He could just pretend no one actually watched his videos, and it did help him. It really did. But he still had bad days. 

Due to his diagnosis only being about a year ago, Bad’s mom didn’t know. And even if she did, she didn’t know sign language.

After hearing the ring of his phone, Bad spiralled. His mind was spinning and he wasn’t sure where he was. He checked caller ID, and after seeing it was someone who didn’t know about his diagnosis, he only broke more. He threw the phone in front of him on the bed and ignored the call, deciding to text his mom later saying he’d been recording and he’d call her back tomorrow. 

The anxiety attack was still coming strong. 

He barely had energy, but he somehow got himself to walk over to the computer. He checked that Dream wasn’t streaming, and then joined the TeamSpeak where he was just sitting alone.

“D- Dream. Help me,” Bad said shakily. He stuttered and was very obviously not in a good place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs mentioned-  
> Your Sister Was Right - Wilbur Soot  
> Devil Town - Cavetown  
> Girls/Girls/Boys - P!ATD
> 
> also, i’m sorry if the end turned out bad. i was listening to music loudly while writing this, and it started to hit a little too close to home, and i freaked out and had sensory overload because of my anxiety and the trigger and my synesthesia combining, but i fixed it. i’m fine now.


	5. can you describe red for me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally. this chapter will have more elements of synesthesia. i’ve been somewhat slacking on it in the last few chapters. sorry...  
> please don’t unalive me.

TW: a character in this chapter will have a panic attack. it won’t be elaborated, but it is mentioned. it’s also mentioning the struggles from last chapter (with weight) so skip it if it could trigger you. this chapter is important to the storyline, but you’ll be able to pick up where you left off if you choose to skip the trigger. also, if you still want to read this chapter but want to skip the trigger, it’s marked where it starts and ends.

It was almost Christmas. Dream was just playing a single player survival world for fun. He was mentally making a list of ideas for a Christmas/New Year video when Bad joined the TeamSpeak. 

“D- Dream. Help me,” Bad said shakily. Dream could tell something had happened, and he was the only one of Bad’s YouTube friends who knew about his diagnosis.

“Bad, I can tell you’re having a panic attack. I’m going to FaceTime you so you don’t have to talk,” Dream said calmly, slowly, and clearly. He would’ve said his voice had a yellow tone to it, but that wasn’t important in the moment. 

Bad picked up right away, and started signing about what had happened. Dream had learned sign language after Bad was diagnosed so it would be easier for him to communicate with others, so Dream was able to understand what was going on. 

He was able to get Bad to calm down pretty quickly, but they stayed on FaceTime because Bad still didn’t want to talk. Dream asked him if it was okay to tell him about his day, and Bad signed back that, yes, it was okay.

Dream went on a long monologue, talking about what he ate for breakfast, a video idea he had, he skipped the part about discussing questioning, but he did tell Bad that he talked to Eret. He told Bad about the drama currently happening on the SMP, and how he was engaging in war with the children. Somehow Purpled got in on this one, and so there were three children they had to take care of.

Eventually, it was getting late, and Bad went to go walk Rat. Before Bad left, Dream did want to say one last thing.

“Even if you don’t like your voice, I think it’s very cool and unique and special,” Dream said.

Bad smiled and said, “Thank you,” albeit very quietly.

When Dream couldn’t sleep, he noticed George was online. When he joined the call, he noticed George sounded exhausted. 

_Earlier that day:_

_“Sapnap! Are you okay? You sound like you’ve been throwing up,” George said. Sapnap was supposed to stream soon, but George wasn’t sure if it was the best idea._

_“Yeah, I’ve just been sick recently,” Sapnap responded. George didn’t believe him, but he didn’t press him any further. If Sapnap didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t have to talk about it._

_“Sap, you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. But I’m always here. Heck, I barely sleep, so anytime of day you need me, I’m here,” George said. That was the last of that conversation, but both boys were weary of each other for the rest of the day. It was exhausting worrying about your friend but not being able to help._

“So I had an idea, but it requires a lot of participation on your part,” George said when Dream joined the call. 

“Yeah sure, we can try it,” Dream said.

“So, obviously you know I’m colourblind. But you have an extra sense that combines color with sound and letters, so I was wondering if maybe you describing what colors look like since I can’t see them,” George explained.

“Well, red is like the beginning of April. It’s rainy but it also is bright, sunny, and fun. It smells like popcorn and the movie theatres, and it is the color of friendship and youth,” Dream started. “And orange is like August. It’s the smell of dark chocolate, and also the color of new beginnings. It also gives off energy, almost like nostalgia, but not in the same way red is. Orange is more being happy with everything that’s happened in your life. You see yellow. But it’s more than what you see. It’s the color of fireworks and the end of May. It’s like the birch flower forest in Minecraft, and it smells like fresh baked bread.” When Dream was explaining yellow to George, he noticed that George had fallen asleep. It was quite late for Dream as well, almost one in the morning, so he shamelessly fell asleep there.

This time, when they boys woke up, they weren’t embarrassed, just smiley and light as clouds. 

Both boys had a lot to think about. The advice they’d been given helped, but the only people who could decide who they are, is themselves.

When Dream had asked Eret about being bi, something about admitting he could be felt relieved him of a large weight. It felt right, though of course he was still confused on who he might be.

He thought about it. He wasn’t straight, because obviously. He wasn’t gay, because he had feelings for girls like this, though he could admit that wasn’t as strong. 

Dream decided pansexual may not be the best label for him because he felt that it was gender based as well. He thought, maybe, maybe he could be bisexual.

_Maybe I am bi, and maybe that’s not so bad._

Dream had made a little peace with himself. But George wasn’t so lucky.

George hated conforming to societal labels and standards. He hated being told he is one thing. Really, he was more than a label. He was more than what everyone said he was. 

_“And don’t feel like society is forcing you to be anyone. You’re you, and no label can define that. It’s okay if you don’t want a label, or if you find a label but change it later on. You’re still George at the end of the day.”_

A quick google search was all George needed. He found out that many people who didn’t like labels identified as queer. George supposed that made sense. After all, queer was just being not straight. It didn’t have to mean anything more than you wanted it to.

_I’m queer._

_That felt...weird, but also right._

A few hours later, George, Dream and Sapnap were all sitting in a call after just finishing recording a video. 

“Anyone else wish it was still 2008?” Dream asked after a few minutes of silence. Usually after recording, they would take a minute or two to just process, since their videos got pretty intense. They also usually talked for about an hour after, sometimes more.

“Well, I hadn’t met you guys yet, so no,” Sapnap said. Not many people knew it, but the 19 year old was fiercely loyal to his best friends. “But on another note, yeah. I didn’t have as many mental health issues back then,” he added.

“Honestly, me too. I don’t have bad mental health now, but I’m not exactly happy. But I wouldn’t go back to that. 2008 was a rough year,” George answered. Being the oldest, and also 12 at the time, George remembered 2008 best. Sure, it was simpler, but was a hell of a lot different having real life friends.

“I miss the simplicity of it,” Dream said. He then sighed and the boys all sat in a comfortable silence.

(a/n: the tw starts here again. just skip to the next a/n if you don’t want to read it)

“Sapnap, have you been feeling better?” George asked finally.

“Yeah, I’ve been a lot better. Must’ve been something I ate,” he responded. He said ate like it was a word that he shouldn’t be saying.

“Are you sure? You’ve been different lately,” George responded.

“You know you can tell us anything, right?” Dream added.

“I’m not ready to talk about it,” Sapnap responded, voice soft and sounding embarrassed. “But I promise you guys, when I’m ready, you’ll be the first that know.”

* * *

A few days passed with no events. Everything was normal. The boys continued thinking about what they had recently figured out. Sapnap continued struggling alone. Bad had a few panic attacks and continued to forget to message people before joining a call.

(a/n: i think the trigger is over here. if anyone wants me to move it/adjust it, just comment. i’d rather everyone stay safe)

Everyone was getting used to the new routine of wake up, do server work, avoid people, record, have a mental breakdown, sleep, repeat. Dream knew they couldn’t continue on avoiding things like this, but they were all terrified to do anything about it.

It was two days before Christmas when Sapnap and George surprised Dream.

A few months before, they had decided they wanted to celebrate Christmas with Dream, and maybe spend a few weeks there. After a couple weeks of planning, the decided they’d celebrate Christmas early with their families, then fly out to Florida. They’d stay there until February 1st, at which point both would return home.

“Surprise!” both Sapnap and George exclaimed when Dream opened the door. Dream had been exhausted after pulling an all-nighter streaming and then editing, but when he saw his best friends, suddenly he wasn’t so tired anymore. 

He pulled them into a tight hug, and though he won’t admit it, he started crying. These were his best friends, the people who have been there for him for years. 

He pulled the two boys into the house. 

“How long are you guys staying?” he asked.

“Until you kick us out,” Sapnap said.

“February 1st,” George replied at the same time. Dream hugged them again.

“Okay we get it, you’re a simp,” Sapnap said. George slapped him playfully. Dream pulled away and pretended to look mad, but couldn’t keep the smile off his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi (insert friends name here)! hello (insert other friends name here)! i hate you (love you) both.
> 
> also, friendly reminder to everyone else that you shouldn’t bring up online activity with your friends or this happens.
> 
> and remember that gender is a social construct and society is stupid.


	6. self-destruction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can I hug you?” Sapnap asked? Bad nodded. Sapnap pulled him into a tight hug, and the two boys sat there for half an hour before George smelled something burning and went to check it out. 
> 
> After checking that there was no fire, George noticed Bad and Sapnap lying on the floor. Bad was hiding his face in Sapnap’s chest and Sapnap had his arms around Bad like if he let go, the world would destroy him. Sapnap had fallen asleep with his head on top of Bad’s, and though George couldn’t see Bad’s face, he could tell Bad had fallen asleep there as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shout out to IconEco because they always comment on every chapter and it really makes my day!
> 
> i also recommend skipping this chapter if talking abt anxiety or weight or panic attacks, or eating disorders bother you. there’s nothing too serious, but i want you all to stay safe <3
> 
> thirdly, this chapter has no shipping between bad and sapnap. i just wanted to write something wholesome between two friends, and sap and bad are both people who i think care very fiercely abt people.
> 
> lastly, i now have twitter! if you want to read the chapters and know when they come out, go follow @assiduous_x

A few days went by, and secrets were destroying the group. Bad had even drove down everyday since the boys had arrived. It was only a thirty minute drive anyway. Dream was the first to snap. He had to tell them. If he didn’t, he was going to self-destruct to the point of no return. 

“Hey guys? We need to talk,” Dream said. The group of friends gathered around the table where Dream had been putting out lunch. 

“What’s up?” Bad asked. He was very good at reading people, and was able to tell Dream was about to say something that could change everything, so he tried to be as friendly as possible. George and Sapnap tuned into the conversation more.

“I can’t ask you to stay here without knowing this... thing about me. I understand it might make you uncomfortable and you may not understand it either. But, over the past few weeks I’ve come to realize that I, Dream, like guys and girls and identity as bisexual,” he said.

“So you cry when you see someone appear at your doorway but not when you do one of the most scary things of your life?” Sapnap asked sarcastically. 

“I’d cry if you don’t still want to be friends,” Dream said.

“You idiot,” George said. 

“Hey! Language!” Bad said, but George could tell he didn’t really care.

“Anyway, you’re stupid because why would we stop being friends with you?” George said. When Dream looked at him with hopeful eyes, George just hugged him.

“We love you Dream, and unless you kill someone, we always will,” Sapnap said.

“Yeah, listen to that muffinhead,” Bad said. All four boys started laughing like that was the funniest thing in the world. Apparently, that’s what being best friends for years does to you.

Two days later, George realized he hadn’t seen Sapnap eat at all the entire trip. George wasn’t sure whether he should bring it up or not, so he asked Bad and Dream. The three came up with a plan: if Sapnap continued starving himself, they’d trap him in a room, make him eat, and let him know what they know. 

Because Sapnap didn’t know, they ended up having to use their plan. 

Dream pretended like he needed Sapnap’s opinion on the way he edited a video, but George and Bad were waiting in the room as well. 

Sapnap walked in, and George closed the door behind him, guarding it. Dream offered the chair next to him, and Sapnap sat down. Bad pushed a plate with strawberries and a muffin on it towards him. 

“Thanks Bad, but I’m not hungry right now,” Sapnap said. 

“Why? Why would you do this to yourself?” Bad asked, and started tearing up. Sapnap burst into tears, and Dream pulled him into a hug. George walked over and started playing with Sapnap’s hair to try and calm him down. 

“Please, at least have some of the food there,” George said quietly.

“I- I can’t!” Sapnap said. “I can’t stay like this. I’m gross, and I’m disgusting, and I’m fat and nobody could ever love me this way!”

Needless to say, Bad, Dream, and George felt their hearts break at that. Because if there’s one thing that they could tell him and he wouldn’t believe, it’s that he is perfect as he is.

“I don’t know why you don’t believe us when we say you’re perfect, Sap,” Dream said. Sapnap buried his face in Dream’s shoulder because he just wanted to disappear into the ground. “You are,” Dream replied to the silent doubt they could all feel coming from Sapnap. 

After an hour, the food was gone. The boys had somehow convinced Sapnap to eat. There were a lot of tears, but even Sapnap could admit he felt better after eating something. It had been a while since he had anything, and he knew strawberries were healthy. Plus, the muffin was really good. 

“Do you mind telling us how long?” George asked softly. Sapnap mumbled something. “I’m sorry, that was a tad quiet. Could you repeat that please?” George said.

“15 weeks,” Sapnap said into Dream’s hoodie. After finishing the food, he’d gone back to trying to hide in Dream. “15 weeks of trying to make myself good-looking and it still didn’t work,” he answered, this time facing George. 

“You muffin. You’re good-looking,” Bad said. 

“Yeah Sap, you know how many simps you have? They’re all over Twitter,” George added. All four boys laughed.

“Promise us, you’ll do your best to eat every meal. Promise us, if you feel like you can’t do it, you either call one of us, or come find one of us,” Dream said. His tone was serious, and they could all hear the fear in his voice.

“I promise,” Sapnap said, and he meant it.

Christmas was in three days. Only Bad and George still had secrets to share. Dream had told them all about his synesthesia the day they arrived.

Dream was out getting groceries when Bad had a panic attack making dinner. Sapnap was the one who found him, which was fortunate since because Sapnap has had panic attacks before, he knew what to do. 

After calming Bad down, Bad wouldn’t talk. Sapnap was confused, but didn’t want to pressure him.

“Can I hug you?” Sapnap asked? Bad nodded. Sapnap pulled him into a tight hug, and the two boys sat there for half an hour before George smelled something burning and went to check it out. 

After checking that there was no fire, George noticed Bad and Sapnap lying on the floor. Bad was hiding his face in Sapnap’s chest and Sapnap had his arms around Bad like if he let go, the world would destroy him. Sapnap had fallen asleep with his head on top of Bad’s, and though George couldn’t see Bad’s face, he could tell Bad had fallen asleep there as well.

George took a picture of the two, because with Bad’s puffy eyes and Sapnap’s protectiveness, George could tell Bad was in a bad spot and Sap had helped him. And also, because who was George to just ignore perfect blackmail material? This could seriously be useful later.

_GeorgeNotFound: [1 image attached] these two idiots almost burned down the house. might wanna pick something up so we can eat today_

_Dream: will do. you should also move them to the couch so they aren’t sore when they wake up_

_GeorgeNotFound: they probably deserve it though_

_Dream: just because they’re idiots doesn’t mean they deserve the after effects of sleeping on the floor_

_GeorgeNotFound: finnnneeeeee_

George somehow got both boys to the couch without waking either one up or disturbing them from their peace.

The next morning, Bad asked Dream to help him explain to George and Sap why he didn’t want to talk. He felt that George, and especially Sapnap deserved an explanation. Dream, of course, said yes. 

When George and Sapnap had both sat down at the table, they noticed Bad and Dream talking in sign language.

“Why are you using sign language?” Sapnap asked. George wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but he was watching Dream’s hands. 

“Well, that’s actually what we wanted to talk to you about,” Dream replied. Bad signed something to Dream, and Dream nodded. George thought there was something interesting about watching the two have their interaction. “So, about a year ago, Bad was diagnosed with selective mutism. He’d shown signs of it years before, and it only got worse as he got older, which is why he wasn’t diagnosed much sooner. He also has GAD, which stands for Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Not long after he was diagnosed, like maybe two or three days, he messaged me on Discord telling me that he’d been diagnosed with selective mutism after years of anxiety. He told me because we were supposed to record a video that day. It’s not as bad as it used to be, and talking to the camera and to us has definitely helped. You can ask Bad, he told me to say that. But it still shows up when he gets really upset. I can teach you guys sign language, or Bad can, or you don’t have to learn it, but Bad wants you to know because he feels you both deserve an explanation,” Dream said.

The boys sat in silence for a few minutes, letting the information process. Sapnap walked over and hugged Bad. He probably needed it, that’s a stressful thing to tell someone. George smiled at Bad from across the table.

The next day was Christmas Eve. Bad decided to just stay over with Dream on Christmas Eve. That way, they’d all be able to spend time together the next day with no wait.

They had decided Christmas Eve was for close friends. They got into a call with Ant, Callahan, Sam, Velvet, and Punz, and the eight of them watched Christmas movies for at least four hours. 

Around 8:00, Velvet and Ant left the call. It was understandable, considering the two didn’t get to see each other in person every day, and the two also didn’t have Christmas every day. The other six smiled at how obviously in love the couple was.

The group didn’t want to watch movies anymore, so they went in the SMP and messed around for a while. Eventually, Bad and Sapnap were getting tired, and it became really obvious, so everyone decided to go to bed. After all, 11:00 is a pretty normal time to go to bed.

The only issue with the four staying at Dream’s place was who would sleep where. Dream had two bedrooms, and George had been sleeping on the couch. Dream felt bad forcing George to sleep on the couch, and so he offered George the bed.

“You know, we could always just share,” George said. Dream felt his face heat up, but George didn’t notice.

“I mean, I guess if it’s okay with you,” Dream replied. “But what about Sap and Bad?” he asked.

“We can share a bed. We don’t care,” Sapnap answered, and after Bad nodded, he pulled Bad away to the bedroom. They were both still exhausted. 

Once they were left alone, George noticed the blush on Dream’s face. He blamed it on the heater. It was quite warm in the room.

Eventually, they both went to change- George changed in the bathroom, and Dream changed in the bedroom, and they fell asleep rather fast.

The room next to them wasn’t so quiet. Sapnap had Christmas music on, and was dancing around, trying to make Bad laugh. Bad was exhausted after so much human interaction, so it wasn’t easy, but Sap eventually made him smile. 

Laying on the bed, they both stared at the ceiling.

“You know, I don’t mind talking in front of you,” Bad said quietly.

“I’m honoured,” Sapnap responded.

“Yeah. I trust you,” Bad said.

“More than Gogy?” Sapnap asked, surprised. He turned his head to look at Bad.

“More than George,” Bad confirmed. He looked over to Sapnap. “I think they really need to get their muffins together,” Bad said.

“They really do. You can feel the sexual tension between them from a mile away,” Sapnap answered.

“Speaking of muffins, did you eat dinner?” Bad asked, genuinely.

“...No,” Sapnap sighed. Bad got up, and walked to the kitchen. He grabbed one of the muffins, the ones that were Sapnap’s favorite, and put it on a plate. He carried it back to the room, and watched as Sapnap ate the muffin. It was getting easier, though they all knew it was a process and it would take time.

“Thank you,” Sapnap said once he finished the muffin.

“Always,” Bad responded. Sapnap put the plate on the bedside table, and buried his head in Bad’s shoulder. It was a flipped position of what had happened a few days before, but neither boy minded.

All four boys received peaceful dreams, with presents and cookies, and a very merry Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanted to say that the reason i write dnf fanfiction is because it’s my only coping mechanism. that’s why i don’t have an upload schedule. i write when i’m lonely, upset, bored, angry, or just want to. i don’t actually ship them, not even their personas, so i just wanted to clear that up.
> 
> also i listened to Found/Tonight by Ben Platt and Lin Manuel-Miranda while writing the beginning and it was absolutely perfect for it lol
> 
> edit from when i made the end notes- just found out bad got covid. karma really took a day off huh


	7. it’s christmas but it doesn’t feel like it

When George woke up in the middle of the night, it was hard for him to fall back asleep. After a while of trying, he noticed Dream wasn't there. He pulled a sweatshirt over his head, and checked the time, heading out the door. _3:19 am._ George walked down the hallway towards the living room/kitchen. (Dream had a combined room, half being a kitchen, half being a living room, with an island separating the rooms.) In the dim light from the Christmas tree, George could see a tall figure standing over the stovetop.

"Dream?" George asked sleepily. The figure turned to face him.

"George? Why are you still up?" Dream said, confused.

"I could ask you the same question," George replied. "Woke up and couldn't go back to sleep, you?" he added.

"Woke up and needed to use the bathroom, but then I was thinking about something and it kind of freaked me out," Dream replied.

"Wanna talk about it? I may be able to help," George said.

"No," Dream replied, turning back to the stove. George walked over to see what Dream was doing.

"What are you making?" he asked.

"Hot chocolate. Might also have a muffin. You want anything?" Dream replied.

"Sure. I'll have some as well," George said low and quiet.

"Once I get this done, you wanna go sit outside?" Dream asked, matching George's tone.

"Yeah sure," George replied.

Once the two boys had grabbed their hot chocolate and their muffins, they headed out through the garage to the driveway. Dream didn't have anywhere to sit, so they sat on the concrete, looking out into the street. It was dark out, and you could see the stars. Dream had always liked the stars. They represented that you could do anything even if the concept seemed far away. It gave him the motivation to do a lot of things, coding and YouTube both being part of it.

It wasn't too cold, but it wasn't warm either. It was perfect weather, and the sky was clear. At first, neither boy said anything. Both were fairly shy. It wasn't until George remembered what Ant had said to him a few weeks ago that conversation started.

_"_ _Dream totally likes you."_

"What do you like most about me?" George asked.

"I like how you're always looking out for others, and you always want to do better. Of course, sometimes I don't like that about you, because than you are too hard on yourself or forget to take care of yourself, but they're good traits to have," Dream replied.

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense,” George said, but he wasn’t really paying attention because _oh god this man cares about me._

“What do you like most about me?” Dream asked.

“I like how your laugh is contagious and you always look for the good in things,” George answered.

“Oh?” Dream replied because _wow George liked his laugh. Maybe he’d laugh more often._

“Yeah,” George said.

Dream remembered something Eret had said to him.

_“It’s okay to think of guys that way.”_

Dream noticed the air getting a bit cooler so he headed inside. George looked like he was going to fall asleep, so Dream carried him. 

When they got back to their room, Dream put George down, but in his sleepy state, George just curled back up on top of Dream. Dream didn’t fall asleep again, but he let George stay there. 

George woke up and looked embarrassed. It was fairly early, maybe seven in the morning? He went to the kitchen to make breakfast, and Dream followed him.

“Listen Dream, last night was fun, but it can’t happen again,” George said, refusing to look at Dream.

“George if you’re worried about how you fell asleep on me, I don’t care. If you’re worried about it, go look at Sap and Bad, they cuddle all the time and they’re just friends,” Dream said, getting a little mad. “I mean come on, you have a picture to prove it,” he added.

“Why do you care?” George snapped. “Why do you care, if I’m not comfortable with it, you should respect it!” he said, voice rising.

“I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable, I’m trying to help! I don’t know why you’re so irritable,” Dream said, his voice rising as well.

“Yeah, but we crossed the line last night,” George said.

“George! We’re just friends-“ Dream snapped but got cut off.

“Well that’s the problem,” George replied, going back to making breakfast. Before Dream could ask what George meant by that, he was interrupted by Sapnap and Bad entering the room.

George dropped the spoon into the pot and walked outside, grabbing his phone and headphones on the way.

He walked through the town in anger. Eventually, George found a small park with no one there. He didn’t want to intrude on anyone’s Christmas, but if Bad and Sap had heard the argument, they weren’t going to be helping him.

_GeorgeNotFound: hey i’m so sorry if i’m intruding or interrupting, but i really need advice_

_Antfrost: yeah sure, you’re not interrupting anything, and we’re always glad to help a friend_

When Ant saw George’s message, he was a bit surprised, but he wanted to help all he could. Velvet looked over, confused at who his boyfriend could possibly be texting at seven in the morning.

“Who is it?” he asked.

“Just George. He needs advice, and maybe we could help?” Ant replied. “I mean obviously you don’t have to-“ Ant added but got interrupted.

“Of course I’d help,” Red said. Just then, the Discord ring went through the air, and the two boys answered it.

“Hey guys,” George said softly, and sounded like he was crying. 

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Ant asked, his voice sympathetic.

“D- Dream and I got into an argument,” he responded. A look of understanding dawned on Red and Ant’s faces.

“Okay, so what was it about?” Velvet asked.

“Last night, Dream and I both woke up around three AM. It got cold, but I was exhausted and he carried me inside. I was really tired, so I fell asleep on top of him, unaware, and this morning I was really embarrassed, so I told him it can’t happen again. I- I guess it escalated really quickly because we woke up Sapnap and Bad, and Dream got really mad,” George said.

“George, it’s okay, everyone argues sometimes,” Ant said in an effort to reassure George. Velvet had an idea.

“So here’s what you’re going to do,” Red told George.

Meanwhile, Dream had broken down inside the house. Sapnap and Bad, having only heard raised voices and an argument that seemed to be about something they’d missed overnight, had know idea what to do. They simply hugged him until he’d calmed down enough to talk.

“What happened?” Bad asked softly. Dream leaned into Sapnap’s chest before answering.

“I fucked up,” Dream answered. Bad considered saying language, but figured now wasn’t the time.

“What were you two fighting about?” Sapnap asked.

“Last night, we were outside on the driveway eating muffins and drinking hot chocolate, and when we went inside, George fell asleep on top of me. I guess I freaked him out because he told me it can’t happen again. Consent is number one, I know, but I wanted to help and I think he thought I was forcing him to do something,” Dream said, starting to cry again. “What if I messed up so bad that he doesn’t like me anymore? What if I ruined any small chance I even had?” Dream added.

“Dream, do you like George?” Bad asked, softly and trying to be reassuring. Dream nodded.

“Either way, George would be stupid if he didn’t want to be friends with you anymore, and I can’t answer for him about his feelings, but based off what he said when we walked in, you should definitely talk to him,” Sapnap said. 

“I will, but what do I do?” Dream asked, panicked.

“Well we can’t force him to do anything, and we should probably let him cool off, but what if you made a video explaining everything? That way, you wouldn’t have to say anything to his face, and you can do it now while he’s gone,” Bad supplied.

As Dream got started on the video, Velvet was explaining his idea.

“You’re a developer. Do something kinda silly, and maybe use a less advanced program then Java. Explain everything. Tell him how you really feel. Apologize. Explain that you didn’t mean to get so mad. Tell him why you did what you did. He’ll understand,” Velvet said.

“You could use Scratch. I assume you know what that is,” Ant said.

“We used to mess around on there a long time ago. I’d make a project and send it to him, and he’d respond with another project. We had a decent following, but I’m sure we’ve been forgotten in the years since,” George said.

“That’s a good idea then,” Red said.

“But how do we know it will work?” George asked.

“You don’t, but I know if I was smart like you, and Ant and I got into a fight, it would work for me,” Velvet replied.

“Hey! Don’t talk about yourself that way, you’re very smart,” Ant said, elbowing Red lightly. Both boys smiled, and George laughed on the other end.

“You should probably get started. If you haven’t used Scratch in years, it’s bound to have changed, and you need to get this done fast,” Ant said.

George said his thanks before hanging up. The two boys sat in silence for a minute.

“Is it bad that I’m concerned on how this will be handled?” Ant asked.

“Not at all. For people so intelligent, they don’t always use their brains,” Velvet responded. “But we could message Bad and Sapnap to let them know what’s going on so that when they do confess, they have space,”

“I agree. Hey, what time is it?” Ant asked, quickly typing out a message to Bad.

“I don’t know, but it’s too early to worry about this,” Velvet responded.

“It is,” Ant agreed, moving closer to Red. The two boys quickly fell back asleep in the warmth and safety that was each other.

Dream had finished recording the video, but he had no idea how he was going to edit it. Eventually, he decided to just leave it as is, and waited for George to come home.

George had come home right after, but was very quiet in order to avoid Dream. Sap and Bad had finished the breakfast George started and Bad was trying to get Sapnap to eat when George walked in. They looked at him, but didn’t say anything. George hid in the bathroom with his laptop trying to figure out how to say it. Ant was right, it had changed in the years George hadn’t been on Scratch, and so it took a bit to figure out how to use it, but due to his previous knowledge of coding, he was able to figure it out quickly. 

After finishing the project, he sent it to Dream through Discord. He got a quick response, though it wasn’t what he was expecting. It seemed to be some sort of recording. Before he could open it to see what it was, he heard Sapnap and Bad yelling from the kitchen.

“Hey we’re going on a walk!” Sapnap yelled, and then shortly after, he heard a door slam. Did they know what was going on?

Dream received a link to a Scratch project right as he finished up with the video. He sent the video to George, and clicked on the link, hearing Bad and Sapnap leaving from down the hallway. He played through the game, though it didn’t take long, and when he finished, a voice recording started playing.

“First, I’m sorry. You didn’t mean any harm, and I know that I must’ve hurt you with what I said. I hope that after hearing this recording, you may be able to forgive me, even if you don’t feel the same way,” the voice, _George’s voice_ , said. The screen changed to a sloppily drawn picture of their Minecraft skins.

“Secondly, I didn’t mean to get so upset at you. In reality, I was just mad at myself, because I’m feeling something I’ve never allowed myself to feel before. The difference is, this time I wasn’t able to stop it. I snapped because I thought if I could stop what was happening, I could avoid my feelings forever,” George said. The screen showed a pride flag now, though Dream wasn’t sure which one it was.

“I know you understand because you told us your secrets. The problem is, I haven’t told you mine.” Dream shut off the project and walked to the room Bad and Sapnap had been sharing. Sure enough, he found George, who’d just finished the video Dream made.

_“I know you value honesty, but I haven’t been honest with you. I’m sorry, because I haven’t shared my last secret. I’m sorry, because now you think I took advantage of you. I’m sorry because I know I messed up and I’ll never get you back. I can only hope you still want me,” the video said. George shut off the video, confused. Dream walked into the room and George spun around._

“What do you mean you haven’t been honest with me?” George asked.

“I have one last secret, but you’d hate me for it,” Dream responded, looking towards the ground and playing with his hands nervously.

"I could never hate you. You're the one who should hate me," George replied.

"Well, I guess I'll start then," Dream said. "I know you didn't watch the whole video. You wouldn't have so many questions if you did," Dream added. 

"You walked in before I could finish," George protested.

"Even if I did, the video explains why I've been acting weird. I don't know how to make this make sense to you, but you know the song Into the Unknown?" Dream asked.

"Yeah...and?" George replied.

"I heard that song the other day, and I realized the words and colors totally make sense with my emotions," Dream replied.

"Can you explain more?" George asked.

"Well there's the one part where it's like, 'I've had my adventure; I don't need something new. I'm afraid of what I'm risking if I follow you into the unknown,' and it perfectly explains to me how I feel about, this, um, this guy. He's really cool but I was thinking things over when I couldn't sleep, and it freaked me out. That's why I didn't sleep on Christmas Eve. And the one part where it says, 'What do you want? 'Cause you've been keeping me awake. Are you here to distract me, so I make a big mistake? Or are you someone out there who's a little bit like me? Who knows deep down I'm not where I'm meant to be?' sounded like everything I've been going through lately," Dream explained.

"Do I know the guy?" George asked, heart racing.

"Better than you think," Dream replied, feeling the tension in the room that had appeared.

"Is it okay if I say something crazy?" George asked. Dream nodded. "I like a guy, too," he said.

"Do I know him?" Dream asked.

"Better than you think," George replied. Then it hit Dream. 

_Oh._

"Tell me I'm reading this wrong," George said, both boys unconsciously moving closer together. Dream could feel George's breath on his face.

"I can't, because I don't know if I'm imagining this," Dream replied.

"Is it worth it?" George asked. 

That was all it took for Dream to lean forward and connect himself with the other boy. As the two kissed, it was gentle and sweet, but felt like fireworks. The tension was still there, but it had resolved into something more of a _what do we tell the others?_

George pulled away, and looked Dream in the eyes.

"Guess you weren't imagining it," George said.

"I guess it was worth it," Dream said.

Then, the door slammed. 

"Hey lovebirds! We're home!" Sapnap yelled.

"How do they know?" Dream said quietly.

"I asked myself the same thing earlier," George responded. Just then, Sapnap and Bad walked into the room, both of them covering their eyes.

"You two have ten seconds to either make yourselves decent or get out," Sapnap said.

"You're so dramatic Sapnap," George said. Sapnap and Bad uncovered their eyes.

"Oh wait, I should message Ant back," George said. The other three gave him a questioning look but he was already walking out of the room.

_GeorgeNotFound: ty guys. i wont go into detail, but it worked :)_

Velvet was scrolling through Twitter when he got a Discord notification. Ant looked up at him, and when he noticed he got one too, they both messaged George back.

_VelvetisCake: good job george_

_Antfrost: aww I'm glad we could help!_

Seeing the messages, George smiled.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m worried this will be bad due to the finality of the last chapter-
> 
> idk i kinda wanna do bonus chapters on this at some point so requests??
> 
> maybe a few more chapter to go. four at most

“Sapnap! You broke my washing machine!” Dream yelled.

“It’s not my fault it wouldn’t open! All I did was press random buttons!” Sapnap yelled back, running to see what had happened.

“When you break something you don’t just press random buttons, Sapnap!” Dream yelled at him.

“Hey do you two mind being quiet? I’m streaming,” George called from upstairs.

“No! Sapnap broke my washing machine!” Dream called back.

“Oh my goodness, fine. But you are both apologizing to my stream before I end,” George said.

Bad walked into the laundry room, signing something to Dream. Sapnap wasn’t sure what he said, but it seemed to calm Dream down.

Bad took out his phone, and wrote something down, then left.

_Call the washing machine guy. There’s four of us. I live half an hour away. We can share clothes._

Dream heard the front door close, and assumed Bad had gone to pick up clothes for Sapnap and George to borrow while they waited for the washing machine guy to fix the problem.

Going to also grab some clothes, not wanting to make Bad do everything, Dream got lost in his thoughts.

_It’s been two days and we haven’t talked about what happened on Christmas._

_What if I did read the signs wrong?_

_No, George would have told me to stop, wouldn’t he?_

Dream gave up, and went to go do some server work. George joined the TeamSpeak channel Dream had been sitting in while he did work.

“You know, we never talked about what happened," George said.

"George maybe-" Dream started.

"No one will hear. Bad's gone. And we will know if someone joins the call," George interrupted.

"I suppose you're right," Dream said, but still unsure. "What did you want to talk about?" he asked.

"I just want to let you know who I've told," George said.

"You told people?" Dream asked, slightly alarmed.

"I didn't really have a choice, but don't worry, they won't tell anyone," George replied.

"So who knows?" Dream asked.

"I told Ant and Red, and I have a feeling Sam knows."

"Sam?"

"Yeah. He knows you, he knows me, and he knows Ant. He's bound to have figured out something was going on and asked Ant; He isn't dumb either."

"How did Ant and Red find out?" Dream asked.

"I needed advice, and I obviously couldn't ask you, and I didn't think Sapnap would understand, so I asked them." George replied. He didn't know that Sapnap was just passing by in the hallway.

"I guess that makes sense. Oh, and I'm pretty sure Eret knows," Dream responded.

"You went to him for advice?"

"Yeah." Dream said. Nothing much happened for about twenty minutes. Then Dream brought up the question both boys had been wanting to ask but were too scared to.

"So what are we?" he asked.

“What do you want us to be?” George asked.

“I want to be more than friends, but I’m not ready to tell anyone else yet,” Dream said.

“I think we should tell Sap and Bad, but that’s it,” George said. Dream agreed.

Bad had returned home, and Sapnap and Bad were watching TV, but neither one of them were really paying attention. Suddenly, Sapnap turned to face Bad.

“George said he couldn’t tell me something. Did I really screw up that bad?” he asked Bad.

“I th-“ Bad started, but words stopped coming out of his mouth. He turned to signing, hoping Sapnap would be able to understand.

” _I think that sometimes people need to hear advice from someone that they don’t usually ask,”_ Bad signed.

“What do you mean someone he doesn’t usually ask?” Sapnap said. Bad realized Sapnap had learned sign language to help him communicate and smiled, but then went back to signing.

_“I was monitoring TeamSpeak, and I noticed that George had been talking to Antfrost and RedVelvet a lot lately,”_ Bad signed.

“I know they’re friends, but I guess that makes sense,” Sapnap said.

_“Don’t worry. George still trusts you,”_ Bad signed. Sapnap laid his head on Bad’s shoulder and went back to watching the show.

“I hope so.”

* * *

A few hours later, while the four were eating dinner, Dream and George decided to bring it up.

“Hey guys, I know you don’t care and it makes no difference, but George and I are a thing now,” Dream said.

“Congratulations! I knew you two lovebirds would get it together at some point!” Sapnap said. George blushed and hid his face in his hands.

“You guys are the only ones besides Ant and Red, and probably Eret and Sam that know, so what’s said here stays here okay?” George said quietly.

“Yeah sure,” Sapnap said.

“As long as you two keep this house PG. No muffiny stuff,” Bad responded. George blushed even more and Dream looked away.

“Don’t worry Bad, when they’re having sex on New Year’s, we can go hang out at your house,” Sapnap said.

“Hey, language!” Bad said. Neither Dream or George said anything because they were too embarrassed.

Bad noticed Sapnap’s plate was still full, and quietly pushed it towards him. Sapnap pushed it away, and Bad pushed it back. Sapnap glared at Bad, but Bad gave him a look that made Sapnap start eating.

Sapnap signed something across the table to Dream, and Dream started laughing. George looked at Dream quizzically, who leaned over and whispered to George what Sapnap had said. Bad noticed what was going on, and looked at Dream with a look that said something along the lines of, you better not be swearing at the dinner table.

Dream started laughing again, and Sapnap signed something else to Dream. George, who didn’t know sing language yet looked at Dream expectantly, but Dream had turned bright red. 

“I’m not repeating that out loud,” Dream choked out. Bad had seen what Sapnap had said that time, and signed at him to use appropriate language for the dinner table.

Poor George was sitting there confused while Dream tried to calm himself down, and Sapnap was laughing while being told off by Bad.

The conversation eventually died down, and Bad got Sapnap to finish his dinner before they all went off to have an uneventful night before Nee Year. 

Sapnap made Bad let him sleep at his house. He wasn’t taking any chances.

_dreamwastaken: 12:31 AM_

_I love you guys. Happy New Year’s Eve. Let’s hope 2021 isn’t as much of a dumpster fire as 2020._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1- happy new years if i don’t finish the next chapter by tomorrow.  
> 2- ily all, you make my day and you make me feel loved and important. you have no idea the positive impact you all have had on me and my mental health  
> 3- i really appreciate any kudos or comments, it makes my day  
> 4- sorry for no authors note on the last chapter. it was such an emotional roller coaster to write that i completely forgot lmao  
> 5- we’re almost done with the story, so does anyone have any requests for bonus chapters?


	9. happy new year - lets hope its not a dumpster fire like 2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more to go! enjoy this one! i hope you guys like it!

New Year's Eve was quite eventful, but not in the way Christmas was. Everyone got along, all of them (except Bad) slept in. They had a virtual party planned, with their close friends from Munchy and the SMP. Most people at this time were planning virtual parties because of COVID but it didn't affect this group at all; they'd gotten to know each other online so they were used to it. It was bigger than the group at Christmas. The full guest list was Dream, George, Bad, Sapnap, Skeppy, Red, Ant, Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo, Big Q, Eret, Callahan, Sam, Alyssa, Niki, Minx, Finn, Boomer, Techno, Phil, and Puffy.

Sapnap and Bad arrived a few hours later than they usually did, though it was only because Bad made muffins again. Oh, and Sapnap was having a bit of a bad morning foodwise. There was quite a bit of banter, pranking, and Minecraft before they joined the Zoom call. Sapnap would have preferred TeamSpeak due to the better audio quality, though he knew this way they could all see each other and fit a big group in one place. None of them streamed because they wanted to have a day off, but that didn't stop them from messing around the SMP for hours.

Eventually, it was time for them to join the Zoom call. They joined to see smiling faces, and nice outfits. George felt underdressed wearing Dream’s hoodie, (which he stole) but Dream assured him it was fine. When Tommy asked about it, George just told him Sapnap broke the washing machine. That got a laugh from everyone.

After an hour or so of the group just talking, they wanted to play a game. Somehow, Sam figured out a way for them all to play Apples to Apples, and so that’s what they did. 

The topic of conversation shifted to what they did before streaming, and so everyone got caught up in nostalgia. George remembered having friends over at New Year’s and playing Minecraft until the parents realized they had run off. Dream remembered the bright green celebrations that happened. Sapnap thought back to party poppers with his sisters. Bad remembered the time he learned how to make blueberry muffins for the party. It was what started his obsession with muffins.

The evening came to a close, and everyone on the Zoom eventually left sometime after midnight. Neither George or Dream wanted a repeat of Christmas, so they tried to go to sleep but it ended up a peaceful silence. Bad and Sapnap again slept over, not wanting to risk falling asleep while driving.

“Happy New Year,” Dream said into the darkness before falling asleep.

“Happy New Year Dream,” George responded. Across the hallway, Sapnap and Bad were actually falling asleep for once. 

“Do you think 2021 will be as much of a trash pit that got lit on fire and exploded as 2020 was?” Sapnap asked.

“I think maybe there’s hope, but we can’t screw it up. Don’t worry, as long as you have your friends you’ll be okay,” Bad responded.

“As long as you’re there to keep me in line you mean?” Sapnap retorted. Bad didn’t say anything, but he let out a tiny laugh. Both boys smiled, and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter today bc it’s new year’s eve, but ily guys, happy new year, i hope you guys have a good day!
> 
> no one left requests last chapter, so maybe you guys will this chapter?? 
> 
> all kudos and comments are really appreciated


	10. the world wasn’t ready for them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eventually came the time for George and Sapnap to leave, and Bad decided to actually live at his house again. It was a bittersweet day, their hearts sad it was over but happy it had a good place in their hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter talks about recovering from mental health issues including anorexia and selective mutism. if this bothers you, don’t read this chapter! it doesn’t go at all into detail, but i’d rather you all feel and stay safe!

Time passes, people change. A few months go by, and life has been good to them all. It seemed that for the Dream Team and Bad there was finally a light and at the end of the tunnel.

Dream and George figured it all out, and decided to come out. The endless support they both received was incredible, and never before had they felt so validated. Now, they sleep in the same room every night, and they hate thinking about the time when George will have to go back home.

If there was one thing George was thankful for, it was that they fixed the damn washing machine so he didn’t have to hear Dream complain about it all the time. All jokes aside though, he’d miss being able to wear Dream’s hoodies without an excuse.

In order to try and repay Ant and Velvet for helping him, he checked back in with them.

“Hey Ant, remember how you said you’ve lived through ‘that drama before’ when we talked about coming out? If you’re comfortable with answering, what did you mean by that?” he asked.

“Yeah, it was a long time ago, but we’re all good now. I don’t like thinking about it, but I guess I can tell you. When I was fifteen, one of my old best friends IRL decided I wasn’t worth human decency and outed me to the whole grade. For a while, nobody would talk to me, but eventually I found my people,” he said.

“Well, if you ever need to talk about anything, ever, you can come to me. I owe you, after all,” George responded.

“You don’t owe me. I help my friends for free,” Ant replied.

Dream updated Eret in the whole situation. Eret, of course, was super proud and congratulated Dream. He and Eret had been friends before, but this whole coming out thing really strengthened their friendship.

Everything had changed so much that Dream also decided to use his synesthesia to make his own song. He published it, and everyone loved it. His life had changed so drastically in the last three years, even the last three months, that it really felt personal to sing it.

Bad still had trouble talking around people when he was upset, but Sapnap had dedicated himself to helping Bad. If Bad felt he couldn’t talk, Sapnap would translate for people who didn’t know ASL. And if it was a really bad day, they’d watch movies or play Minecraft together all day.

Bad and Sapnap became responsible for holding each other accountable. Bad always made sure Sapnap ate all of his meals, and Sapnap made sure Bad went to all of his therapy sessions and didn’t skip one.

Speaking of therapy, Sapnap started doing that, too. It helped a lot, actually, and he was able to eat without supervision most days now. Sometimes he relapsed, but his friends always made sure he knew it was a process and they were still so proud of him.

Sapnap and Dream spoke to each other more often now. It wasn’t like they didn’t talk before, but it had felt rushed in the last year. Someone was always busy, or doing something, or about to fall asleep, or whatever it was. However, they finally got the chance to actually talk whilst Sapnap was staying with Dream.

Dream also asked Sapnap if he had anything life changing going on recently.

“Not if you count temporarily living with your best friends from when you were a kid and them all finding out you have anorexia,” Sapnap told Dream. Dream hugged him and yet again told him how beautiful and amazing he was.

Sapnap and Bad stayed incredibly close, and at one point, Dream actually thought they were secretly dating. Sapnap explained calmly that no, they weren’t dating, they were just really close friends and each other’s accountability. Dream seemed to accept the answer and move on, but Sapnap wasn’t sure if Dream believed him. Neither brought it up ever again.

Eventually came the time for George and Sapnap to leave, and Bad decided to actually live at his house again. It was a bittersweet day, their hearts sad it was over but happy it had a good place in their hearts. Supposedly, George had such terrible jet lag that he fell asleep on a discord call with Dream when he got home. Sapnap drove home, on the phone with Bad the whole time. The two friends talked about anything and everything that came to mind. There were a few “Language!” moments from Bad when Sapnap hit traffic, but it wasn’t too terrible in the long run.

Time passes, people change. They could see the light at the end of the tunnel. They knew they were getting out of whatever mess they were in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story, this chapter was written to remind you all that you’re never alone. no matter what you’re going through, it WILL get better even if it doesn’t feel like it. in this story, the characters don’t struggle as long or take as long to recover as most people do in real life, because of story purposes, so if you read this and feel like you aren’t getting better remember a) it’s a process and b) talk to someone who can help, and if you already are, tell them that you feel what you’re trying isn’t working!
> 
> wow this has been a journey. in the first chapter there are so many typos, misspells, grammar mistakes, and more that i was unable to fix. now, all of those mistakes are cut out from the draft stage. i started this story in october 2020 and i’m finishing it in february 2021. man, i have improved both as a writer and a person. it’s insane the support you all give me even when i disappear from the internet (but not really) for so long.
> 
> i truly truly appreciate every comment, every kudos, every read, every single bit of support you all have given me. it’s incredible.
> 
> this is in fact the last chapter of the story, so check out my other stories if you like my writing, or just part ways! i just published a velvetfrost oneshot, and i started an entirely platonic except irl relationships mcyt oneshot book, so that’s pretty pog! i’m working on multiple oneshots atm so check those out! follow me on twitter, my user is assiduous_x and ifb!
> 
> anyway, i guess this is my last time saying bye to you all, so bye, drink your water, eat a snack, take meds if you need it. ily all <3
> 
> -sid

**Author's Note:**

> all kudos and comments are appreciated! seriously, when someone leaves a comment, it makes my day.


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